I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
