you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
