So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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