If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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