Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
