i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
