he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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