What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
