and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
