It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
