like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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