READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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