New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
