just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
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threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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