you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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