Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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