it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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