i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
