Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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