So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
