just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
