My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
