Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
