I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
