I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
