4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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