who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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