Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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