And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
