I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
