A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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