I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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