I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
