He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize