In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
