i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were trust falling into bushes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
