Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize