Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
