2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Couch. On fire.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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