She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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