I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
