there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it's like iHOP with fire
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
