They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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