i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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