Already got asked if we're dating
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She's like a pop up book from hell.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
