I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
