Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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