this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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