i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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