I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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