If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
