It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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