I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
