remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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