He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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