you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
