I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Randomize
