I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
