I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I pour the whiskey from now on
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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