If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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