Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
