I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
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he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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