Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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