Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
