I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
