So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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