Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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