He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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