He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
