is your mom at the bar?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
