i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
