you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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