the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
