i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
