I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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